Is Perfectionism Killing Your Enjoyment?

Hey there,

Are you one of those artists who feel that your gigs are not good enough and they leave you feeling disappointed? Are you a musician that feels that you have to give all of your energy to your music - otherwise anything you produce will be a failure? Or are you an artist manager or in another non-performing role in the music industry and find that you are often late in completing tasks or projects because you need to make them 'perfect'? Do you find that you are procrastinating or avoiding even starting your music projects because you feel overwhelmed by your 'to do' list?

Recently I have had conversations with two artists both saying that quite often they don't enjoy their gigs - when I have asked them to clarify this, they seem to think that their music or how they play their instruments is not up to standard - their standard at least. However despite this, everyone around them is telling them how good the gigs were or how great they sang or played! These artists however, continue to criticise themselves and tell me that they feel a 'fraud' when others are complimentary about them and their music.

So what's going on? It sounds like a classic case of the 'perfectionism' curse! As a fellow sufferer (yes, even me), I can empathise with how you may be feeling and how much you can procrastinate as a result of your perfectionism! The two are closely linked - with maybe procrastination being a symptom of perfectionism.

So, what are the characteristics of a perfectionist? Well many have been described above, but maybe more succinctly, they are the setting of exceedingly unrealistic goals and standards; the fear of success or failure and of making mistakes; the fear of disapproval or criticism from other people; the fact that they live their lives by what they believe they 'should' be doing.

And the impact of perfectionism? Well, it's not nice - you can:

• be left feeling worthless if you fail to achieve your music goals - but then that is likely because you've set yourself such unreal expectations;
• become anxious and stressed when you have a gig or a deadline to meet - but then you procrastinate so much that you are either paralysed and do nothing or you waste time instead of preparing;
• avoid taking on new music projects or opportunities in case you make mistakes or fail, which could make you miss out on being highly successful;
• compare yourself unfavourably with other artists - misperceiving them to be successful with the minimum of effort and stress - leaving you feeling very low in self-esteem.

I could go on - but you get the gist. You are however, certainly your own worst enemy! But never fear help is here - the following tips may be your key to enjoying yourself once more within your music career:

Tip 1 Breaking the illusion: This is an absolute must to enable you to break out of the vicious circle that perfectionism can create. Such a cycle might look like this: you set yourself an unrealistic and unreachable goal. You fail to achieve that goal - of course! You then feel worthless and this in turn can lead to even less productivity and effectiveness in your music work. You then start berating yourself about your failure and if you haven't given up by now, you set other unrealistic goals, thinking if you try harder this time you'll succeed and then the cycle starts all over again.

The illusion is that perfection is attainable. It is not healthy, as you can see from the above points, to even strive for perfection - all it brings you is misery. Try instead to shift your attitude and behaviours to one that is striving to achieve small, sequential and achievable goals.

Set yourself lower standards within your music goals to begin with and then as you begin to succeed in achieving them, you can raise the bar a little - but only a little. Do not feel tempted at this stage to increase your standard too much. You need to be kind to yourself for a change to help undo all the self sabotage that you've undertaken in the past. If you feel that what you have achieved is not worth celebrating, because it was too easy, think again - this time around you didn't procrastinate, or waste time or become anxious when the deadline was looming - revel in your success - however small - this may have been a first for you!

Tip 2 Check out what you've learnt along the way: Quite often you can be so focussed on the end goal or result that you don't look to see what you've learnt along the way - so, using the example of performing at a gig, you could ask yourself questions such as: what aspects of the gig went well? What could you have improved upon to make the gig better? Did you enjoy each song? If not, what was it about the other songs that didn't go so well and how can you perform them better?

By undertaking such an exercise you can start to see the positives of your gig or music work and to make adjustments accordingly, instead of being so negative or down on yourself and your achievements.

Tip 3 Face your Fears: Ask yourself the question: What are you really scared of? You may be scared of failure, of success, of others' criticism, of letting yourself and others down. What are you thinking, about your music projects? Maybe, that they have got to be perfect, for anyone and yourself, to give them any worth? Who says so? You may like to know that only you think this! Other people won't perceive your music in the same way that you do - and so feel that it is perfectly good enough!

It is all about perceptions, so it may be a good idea to get a reality check from other people around you, to gauge what is realistic in terms of your standards and goal setting - bearing this in mind, you can then go back to Tip 1 and start lowering any unrealistic standards you may have set for yourself.

It is important to try to stop setting yourself up to fail before you even begin your music related task and start enjoying yourself in your music endeavours!

I really hope these Tips help you to conquer your perfectionism, but if you still find that you need help, please drop me an email to arrange a free consultation call to see how I may be able to help you on: lindsey@bravura-group.com I look forward to hearing from you.

And finally, let me wish you a belated, but very Happy New Year!

So, is your perfectionism killing your enjoyment?

With very best wishes,

Bravura Group
helping you brave the music industry

http://www.bravura-group.com

t: 01246 231 249 / 0845 456 460
e: lindsey@bravura-group.com

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I work with signed and unsigned artists and personnel working in the Music Industry who want to become more productive, creative and ultimately more successful in their music careers, whilst enjoying a more enriched, fulfilling and balanced personal life.

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